Connect

Connect with God
Connect with my husband
Connect with my kids
Connect with friends
Connect with my body/health
Connect with those who read my writing

How can I possibly have time for it all?

It’s already February, but I’ve been hesitant to post anything about what my “word” for 2020 might be. This one came to mind the last week of December, and as usual, I wanted to give it a few weeks in case something else [better…] came to mind.

Nothing did.

I find myself asking, “Really God? My life feels overwhelmed already, and this is just adding more to my plate.”

Am I supposed to focus on ‘connect’ in only one of these? In my gut I feel like the answer is no. If I’m going to ‘connect’ this year, all of these areas are important.

If I’m honest, I don’t feel like I’m currently doing much to connect with any of these areas…

And maybe that’s my problem.

My life feels busy and overwhelmed, yet these areas all feel like they could use improvement. So what am I busy with instead? Am I really that busy, or is it all in my head? Is it just my thoughts, my emotions that feel overwhelmed, but nothing in my physical world is causing it?

Hmm… Allow me to analyze this for a minute… How do I spend my waking hours during an average week?

• Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings I bring the big girls to school. Then my 2-year-old and I go to the gym for a couple of hours. Mondays we then go grocery shopping, Wednesdays we go to library story time, Fridays we just head home.
• The little one still naps those afternoons, though for the last few months she refuses to nap in her own bed. The only way I can get her to sleep is to lay down with her in my bed until she falls asleep. Sometimes I drift off too, or I manage to sneak out and accomplish some laundry or just read (the best way for me to relax and recharge).
• Tuesdays and Thursdays I bring her to a babysitter, and work at our church doing office work from 9am-4pm.
• Monday and Tuesday evenings we’re generally all home. Most Wednesdays we have music team practice at church. Every other Thursday we have our kids club at church that I co-coordinate, and the off-Thursdays we have leader meetings for that club. Fridays my husband plays soccer, but lately his games have started so late that the girls and I just stay home.
• Once the kids are in bed, my husband and I are so mentally worn out from our days that we watch one show online or read for a few minutes, then go to bed.
• Saturdays are generally open (hallelujah! but our kids are getting older…), with the occasional event. I’m trying to use those mornings to get away for a few hours to write, though we experienced a lot of January snowstorms on Saturdays this year.
• Sundays we’re at church from 9am-12:30pm, home for lunch, small group from 2-4pm.

It’s not that bad right?? I don’t work a full-time job, my kids aren’t [yet] involved in extra-curricular activities outside of church events. I get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. The laundry gets done every week.

But the thought of adding anything – to ‘connect’ – makes me anxious.

• Connect with God: I’ve been doing a better job of reaching for my Bible instead of my phone after I get my cup of coffee in the morning. But that’s just five minutes a day. It’s not very deep.
• Connect with my husband: We could do a better job of going on dates more than a couple times a year… but that requires finding a babysitter, and I don’t know how often we can afford it. It’s our 15th anniversary this year, and we’re due for a getaway. But again… babysitters and money.
• Connect with my kids: I’ll just admit it: my youngest drains me. I’m thankful for some time away at the gym and at work, but the time I do spend with her leaves me with not much left for my big girls. And they’re growing up way too fast (my time with my oldest is already half over – she’ll be 10 in the spring).
• Connect with friends: I’m an introvert, so I really have to push myself to initiate any sort of friendship. I don’t even know who I would call my “best friend.”
• Connect with my body/health: The gym has helped tremendously with this. But I’m still overweight, and don’t always make the best physical and mental choices. As my girls get older, I know they’re watching me.
• Connect with those who read my writing: I feel this passion to write more strongly now than ever. I want to spend more time actually writing. And more time taking courses and creating graphics and updating my website. More time finding out who you are and what I have to offer and encourage you with. But 3 hours a week on a Saturday just isn’t enough for all of the pieces.

Lots of excuses huh?

Sorry to disappoint, but this is a case of only asking questions and having no answers. A look into my heart and mind. I’m still going to claim this word for this year, though I don’t yet know how I’m going to do it.

Do you have a word to guide your goals for 2020?

Edit at the end of 2020:   

WOW. Who would have thought the year “connect” was my word would be the year of the pandemic that made us all stay home for extended periods of time?

The word was constantly on my mind all year long. I had so many more opportunities to connect with the people within our four walls, but we struggled to connect with friends and family and church and school. 

I could have done so much more connecting with God, my health, and my readers, but instead of beating myself up for a “missed opportunity”, I’m choosing to just move on. To do the next right thing. Take small steps. Every day is a chance to start fresh.

(Photo credit: John Barkiple via Unsplash)